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yes, i am a female dj.

and for those of you that don’t really know what that means, that means that i have to work even harder than the guys to get allegedly for my skills. i have to be better than the boys to be even treated as a lesser dj. and with the fact that i am not fucking all the promoters to get gigs means that i have to work harder at it. (thankfully none of the female djs that are on my list are like that even tough we all know a ton of them.) i am also not 21, 6’1′ and 100 pounds with huge boobs and is seen as eye candy in the clubs makes it even harder for me out there. I have had to work my ass off over the last 18 years to even get where i am as a dj. yes i have had the chance to do amazing things, but i fucking busted my ass to get those and have had to work much harder than most.

i have had to deal with extreme amounts of sexism and misogyny because of what i want to do and what i love doing. i have been told that i don’t know a damn thing about djing because i am a girl. i have been told this by djs, promoters, venues and even club goers.

when i stared djing there wasn’t many women at all djing in clubs let alone djing goth and industrial. i am actually only a few years off from DJ Rap herself (the first female club dj in the world). yes it is better for women than it was when i started, but not by much.

we still battle the boys club and the sexism all the time. that is why we have to be better. and when i don’t look the “way I am supposed to look” or “not hot enough to be a girl dj here” it makes it even harder for me.

sometimes i really wonder why i still keep putting myself though all this shit.

it hurts when you are repeatedly bashed for how you dj in one night by more than a few people…. and i was bashed on a lot last night. to be totally honest, i started crying right in the club and wanted to quit djing right then and there. i spent most of the night before i went to work crying to be totally honest.

it makes me wonder why i do all this. why i have done this for 18 years. does anyone really respect that i can dj. if am am as good as people tell me, then why am i the one that is flipped off from the dance floor or told to change what i have done for years?

i know, i am really hurting right now. and it’s hard not to just give up. but i have fought so hard to get even where i am now….

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