Mona mur with en esch – my life

Covenant – monochrome

Vnv nation – homeward

Neuroactive – space divider

Apoptygma berzerk – kathy’s song

Delerium – euphoria

Bunker soldier – warlocked

Sub level 03 – sweet dreams

Mind confusion – vivre sur video

Deathline int’l – paradise city

Neuroticfish – wake me up

Boole – blow up the world



Lords of acid – i sit on acid
Kmfdm – light
Hate dept – release it rmx
Assblage 23 – i am the rain
Nine inch nails – the beginning of the end rmx
The crystal method – the grid
Clan of xymox – this world
Elvis costello – when i was cruel no. 2
Nick cave and the bad seeds – red right hand dj neshamah rmx
Informatik – things to come
Vnv nation – control



Juno reactor – god is god
Infected mushroom – becoming insane
Rob zombie – more human than human
Metalica vs lady gaga – enter telephone
Symphony of science – we are all connected rmx
Rolling stones – gimme shelter rmx
Adam and the ants – beat my guest
The ataries – boys of summer
Pitbull – shake senoira
Katy perry – et rmx
Icon of coil – perfect sex
Djs from mars – insane in da brain
Kmfdm – megalomaniac rmx
Urceus exit – the worst we’ve become alt version

9/4/12 Nox


Deftones – hole in thr earth rmx
Dead can dance – the ubiquitous mr love groove
Pink floyd – high hopes
Genisis – home by the sea
Crystal castles with robert smith – not in love
Apoptygma berzerk – kathy’s song
Peach union – on my own
Adam and the ants – beat my guest
Duran duran – burning the ground
Dizzee vs bombs away – eine kleine
The limousines – internet killed the video star rmx request
Madonna vs lady gaga – express this way
Hilary duff – reach out rmx
Guns and roses e/r – love the way you line in paradise
E nomine – metternacht dj neshamah rmx request
Djs from mars with fragma – insane in da brain
Katy perry – e t rmx
Vnv nation – contol

i know it’s a bit early to be talking about the holiday season. gods, know i am already sick of the christmas stuff at work. but this is something that i am really doing and i really would love to have who ever can help out.

a friend of mine from work is trying to get holiday letters and cards for the US and canadian troops that are stationed overseas, returning and wounded soldiers. she is doing this with OCC/operation christmas cards.

she is collecting them from now until the end of next month to ship them out in time.

she would love it if they had hand written sentiments and they really should be any of the winter holiday themed.

she told me that she would like to have 100 of them to send out when she asked if i would help write. i think that if we all try to add something, we can help her pass her goal with flying colors.

if you want to help, please do.

as for getting the cards to me, i am almost always at nox on tuesday nights, unless i am sick. or there is other ways to meet up with me to drop them off. and i pet that a few of my friends would be more than happy to be willing to be people that can hand them off to me.

if you are crafty, make something. if you aren’t, it’s ok to have a store bought card.

i know that i am going to be doing a lot of this over the next few weeks.

it doesn’t matter if you support the wars that we are in, but most of us have friends, family and loved ones that are out there in some way. or we have had people out there.

yes, i am a female dj.

and for those of you that don’t really know what that means, that means that i have to work even harder than the guys to get allegedly for my skills. i have to be better than the boys to be even treated as a lesser dj. and with the fact that i am not fucking all the promoters to get gigs means that i have to work harder at it. (thankfully none of the female djs that are on my list are like that even tough we all know a ton of them.) i am also not 21, 6’1′ and 100 pounds with huge boobs and is seen as eye candy in the clubs makes it even harder for me out there. I have had to work my ass off over the last 18 years to even get where i am as a dj. yes i have had the chance to do amazing things, but i fucking busted my ass to get those and have had to work much harder than most.

i have had to deal with extreme amounts of sexism and misogyny because of what i want to do and what i love doing. i have been told that i don’t know a damn thing about djing because i am a girl. i have been told this by djs, promoters, venues and even club goers.

when i stared djing there wasn’t many women at all djing in clubs let alone djing goth and industrial. i am actually only a few years off from DJ Rap herself (the first female club dj in the world). yes it is better for women than it was when i started, but not by much.

we still battle the boys club and the sexism all the time. that is why we have to be better. and when i don’t look the “way I am supposed to look” or “not hot enough to be a girl dj here” it makes it even harder for me.

sometimes i really wonder why i still keep putting myself though all this shit.

it hurts when you are repeatedly bashed for how you dj in one night by more than a few people…. and i was bashed on a lot last night. to be totally honest, i started crying right in the club and wanted to quit djing right then and there. i spent most of the night before i went to work crying to be totally honest.

it makes me wonder why i do all this. why i have done this for 18 years. does anyone really respect that i can dj. if am am as good as people tell me, then why am i the one that is flipped off from the dance floor or told to change what i have done for years?

i know, i am really hurting right now. and it’s hard not to just give up. but i have fought so hard to get even where i am now….


i haven’t posted about yesterday here.  

i landed in the er last night with bad lung pain and not being able to breath.  i had a lot of trouble getting people that where physically close to me to help get me to the er.  called a lot of people that i knew where closer by, but nothing.  it was people that weren’t near as close by that came to help me.  my puppy and an potential female playmate came from mountain view and my husband  left work in sf to help me. and i love them for that.

but the very first person that i called to help me, who was 15 minutes away from me at the time, just fucking bitched me out for not showing up to a fucking birthday party today.  i had called asking for help and i couldn’t get them to pick up and i got yelled at for not going to a one year old’s birthday party when i was in the er hours before….. what the fuck?